{Me}

boredchic
22 years on earth

*loves:

*loathes:
BOREDOM

sisi
sheer
xying
bik
cheryo
jocie
SGN

 

November 2004[x] December 2004[x] January 2005[x] February 2005[x] March 2005[x] April 2005[x] May 2005[x] June 2005[x] July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] January 2006[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x] February 2007[x] March 2007[x] April 2007[x] May 2007[x] June 2007[x] August 2007[x] September 2007[x] January 2008[x] March 2008[x] April 2008[x] May 2008[x] June 2008[x] November 2008[x] December 2008[x] June 2009[x] July 2009[x] August 2009[x] September 2009[x] December 2009[x] February 2010[x] March 2010[x]

i'm seriously losing focus. i suck terribly at vball now. i can't even serve 50% of e balls over, and it's supposed to be one of my forte. i can spike across the net. i can only do the normal volley, but it's still not up to standard. maybe i expect too much from myself, and ppl expect too much from me. perhaps it's the stress which is killing me. i know i shouldn't be performing like that. it's definitely wrong. what happened to me? i feel like a peice of shit. my knee caps hurt. i can't jump anymore. running makes it painful. maybe it's hightime i quit one of my sports. i'm real tired. i'm demoralised. i can't even focus properly on vball, my favorite sport, the sport which grew together with me since sec sch. i'm not a gd player and i know it. i need to put in extra effort. but i just can't perform! and that makes me feel lousy on court, and it affects my team morale. i can't lead the team anymore. i'm just...down.

a sucky wednesday evening of vball got me so depressed i decided to head down to phuture for a nite of fun. i felt like drinking but i can't. i reminded her not to drink so many times yet she didn't heed it. she had a hangover the next day and didn't go training. yes, truthful, but it's not right! you knew you have training the next day and knew you can't drink and yet you went to drink! it's seriously a lack of self discipline! as much as i wanted to drink last nite i had to stop myself. though i drank, it wasn't alot. not strong enough to even get me high. haiz. i wonder why do captains plan trainings for us so nicely, sacrifice so much(though she very much wanted to go phuture with me as well) and get this in return. disappointment.

so many things have happened. whatever's past is past. i've put the past behind me. let me start anew, i really want to. i wanna go one of my good pal's birthday but i'm afraid i'll see him again. but i don't feel so bad now after crying out my heart when i was terribly drunk 2 weeks ago. maybe crying really makes one feel better. maybe it's time that i should start facing him after so long. i have to do it.

11:41 AM
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