{Me}

boredchic
22 years on earth

*loves:

*loathes:
BOREDOM

sisi
sheer
xying
bik
cheryo
jocie
SGN

 

November 2004[x] December 2004[x] January 2005[x] February 2005[x] March 2005[x] April 2005[x] May 2005[x] June 2005[x] July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] January 2006[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x] February 2007[x] March 2007[x] April 2007[x] May 2007[x] June 2007[x] August 2007[x] September 2007[x] January 2008[x] March 2008[x] April 2008[x] May 2008[x] June 2008[x] November 2008[x] December 2008[x] June 2009[x] July 2009[x] August 2009[x] September 2009[x] December 2009[x] February 2010[x] March 2010[x]

suddenly, everything's changed. i can't explain why too.

i can't help but think, am i doing wrong?

3:55 PM
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i'm offically tired.

stuck with so many things to do. which i haven been like really doing. the weekend was gone just like that, with minimal. but at least i compensated for work on sun by going out to study. at least it's like a form of consolement.

projects, schoolwork, friends, family, i just can't seem to find enough time for all of them. sometimes, i feel so guilty, for having missed out on those much loved ones of mine. how i wish i could be there for everyone of them anytime, but given this fast paced society, it's impossible. really. or perhaps i just suck at time management.

for those who are staying tuned to my story, well, it's the end. to carry on would be wrong, for now at least. wj asked me if the chances were like zero? i can't tell, coz it takes 2 to clap, and we're both too engrossed with our current life to be bothered now. but at least i know, we're both happier now, and we still care for each other like good friends. we are now able to talk about our past comfortably and even joke about it. what more can we ask for? memories, be it good or bad, will remain etched in our hearts for as long as we live.

2:10 AM
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in two and a half more hours, the long awaited story will have an ending, or will it be continued? stay tuned..

3:21 PM
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does friendship really have to be used as a stake? sometimes i wonder what's going on in a guy's mind. i thought all guys have their fair share of problems, but ultimately they remain as buddies at the end of the day.

but i was wrong, so wrong. i felt an excruciating pain when i learnt about the boys' situation over there. i really feel for them. do things really have to turn out this way? cheer up boys, things will get better.

finally i came up with my decision, i'm staying in TH. at least with this decision those 4 boys have 1 less person to think about. i'm really glad to have known them, coz they told me "we will bother about you, if u really come, our decisions will need to take you into consideration also". aaaww man those sweeties. i didn't know they really care so much about me. damnit.

now, hall application's over. i've got another tough decision to make. and the ultimate decision lies solely on me.

i hate making decisions.

just thinking, maybe i should make something to cheer those lovely boys up. haha.

2:57 PM
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we used to be each other's everything, but now, i still don't know where we're heading.

you still can't give me a definite answer.
you still can't bring yourself to commit.
you still can't decide what i mean to you now.
you still can't decide on what you really want.

but...
i still miss you.
i still think of you.
i still feel happy when you talk to me.

we both need...
some time to think about our status now.
some time to think about what we want in life right now.
some time to think whether we're still suitable for each other.

dont...
blame yourself coz i nv once blamed you.
regret coz i want you to be happy.
be upset coz i'll stand by you.

finally we have made things clear, and you finally told me what i longed to hear and i told you my heartfelt thoughts. i don't want anymore sorries from you coz we were both at fault. at least today you realised how much your indecisiveness has cost you. u paid alot. self denial for 9 whole months.

will we ever have a happy ending? til we meet again.

3:47 AM
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it's wantian's birthday today!

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!

finally this is like one of the more enjoyable 21st birthdays i've been to. at least i don't feel like so out of place. and the birthday cake's a barbie doll! OMG! but well, i don't like barbies. haha.

i realised that guys can be like girls as well, they have their fair share of problems just that they don't show it out. who would have expected those boys have so much unhappiness going around them now? i really never expected it. it really came as a shock to me. will i really be their mediator when i move in with them? i'm like forever stuck in sticky situations. maybe thats my life, forever being a 3rd party.

my mind's clearer now, trying to forget the past, the pain of losing. i'm halfway there and i know i can do it. i would be rid of this much easier and faster if you could just stay out of my life and not msn or sms me or even see you in school. i just wish for you to get lost, coz like you said, you're only half good. and i don't like things which are halfway there. so yeah, you're not good enough for me.

juz heard this shocking news, my move there is like BIG news to them, coz there has only been like 1 case of sports hall people moving there in their entire history. but i don't like this type of exposure! coz i doubt i can live up to their standards. i don't wish to also.

i've got this sudden urge to go clubbing, but i'm trying to curb it, coz nowadays i tend to club when i'm not in a really wonderful mood. another thing is..I NEED TO SAVE MONEY TO CELEBRATE MY 21ST BIRTHDAY!! my bank account's depleting. so any kind souls wanna donate to my 21st birthday funds?

yeah so keep me from spending money unnecessarily. which means no suppers, expensive food, shopping and clubbing or drinking. save me. i need at least $500 in 1 month plus time.

11:36 PM
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time really flies.

february seemed just like a few days ago, but now it's already mid march! but nonetheless, i guess my life has been filled with too much exciting events and thus time flies by so quickly.

many friends think i lead a pretty much happening life, but the truth is, i don't, or at least i think so. my time's basically spent in hall in front of the pc chatting on msn, trying to study, going out for supper, clubbing(which i swear i don't really go nowadays), hanging out in friend's rooms and chilling out. that's pretty much about my like, nothing much yeah? there's no big deal about my life coz i'm a boring person, or maybe my friends are bored too, so when u put a bunch of bored people together, you get a whole load of activities.

i feel so free nowadays, free from everything and anything. finally after so long the time has come for me to be free. it's just so, spectacular! i don't bother about what others say, what people tell me coz i'm a free person who is undaunted by anything. what happened the past few months has brought me back to my senses. the past is long gone, live for the present, which i believe is definitely much brighter and sunnier than yesterday.

i'm in love with my life now, and i've got to spend like the remainder of this sem more fruitfully, coz so many of my beautiful friends are leaving me! i won't get to see u, yes u!!, so much more often. *sobz* i'll remember this wonderful sem!

4:26 PM
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i've just been hit back to reality. the truth hurts, but life still goes on.

thanks wr for letting me know them, at least now i know the truth.

i will move on and be a happy girl.

11:39 PM
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blatant online flirting is lethal. i don't know what's wrong with you right now.

3:57 AM
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everything's becoming clear now. let's just put the past behind us, coz we're happy with our single statuses right now. we just don't need each other that much. we've both learnt to let go and let it stay this way.

thanks for being there tonight.

11:41 PM
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i never expected that my words would be so effective to the people around me, at least for now i guess. little did i expect too that i would be someone who is permanently stuck in mr despicable's life. my words, got mr despicable to think and reflect on himself, and decide what he wants after 21 yrs on this lovely earth, it got him to go get started on his work and oh well plenty of other stuff to say. perhaps these 2 boys will be permanently stuck in my life i guess as well. coz one thing is, i never expected to be so close to them, at this age where we've all grown to be matured in a way or other.

these are the little things who happen in life which makes your life so much more sugary sweet.

well, sorry to anyone i've offended during this period of time. i've got so caught up with work and plentiful of awful decisions that i tend to get irritated at the slightest thing, isolate from people, refusing to talk and morphing into an isolate soul which is pretty much not my normal self. truth is, i'm not irritated or upset with anyone, but myself. sorry. genuinely.

suddenly i just miss those pretty much happier times back then, those small gatherings and impromtu stayovers at miss xy's place, those late night chats with my lovely babes, those clubbing nights which were simply outrageous following which pretty jess would drive us back, those really much missed happier days.

sorry miss xy, i really hope i could be at your party this fri but i can't. can i have another stayover at your place instead?? haha.

for the time being, it's back to my financial notes which have been staring at me while i'm typing this.

1:29 AM
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I WANNA PARTY!!!

it's been some time since i last partied. stupid events happened over the past few days, and what happened yesterday night made me feel particularly down and upset. i was just upset with him again, for not knowing how to love himself.

during our casual chat last night, i found out he went drinking with 2 friends and all of them got so drunk and just slept at the *H hall lobby til the next morning. i guess the whole argument started with me coz i was just upset with the fact he's drinking coz he's upset, though he didn't say. his best friend was also not in a very good mood too and so the 3 of them went to drink and drink. i'm really not against him drinking, but just why he's drinking, the reason behind it all. he didn't use to be like this. it set me thinking, why did he do all these? my words to him were like abit harsh, which showed my unhappiness, but his replies were like cutting deep into my heart. he told me he went 'purposely' when i asked him why he drinked so much. i told him maybe i shouldn't bother and he told me coz that's his problem. but thankfully he ultimately began to give way, trying to make me happy again, though he failed terribly at those few attempts. but it really sucked. damnit.

went off with SGN to jess's place to chat and that made the whole night more enjoyable. bought supper there and ate inside her air-con room! shared our views on relationships and talked for a few hours last night. ended up sleeping in her room. we realised we're all like entrapped with some stupid guy(s). wonder when all these wil ever end. but it was great, having a stupid war which ended with me being the very pathetic one.

well, one of these days this week, we're just going to party out, have loads of fun and make sure we go back feeling much better.

3:46 PM
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i suddenly turned in to aunt agony for 2 guys in one night.

but pls do not be envious. i didn't know how to offer them any splendid suggestions, just purely telling them to cheer up and make them happy. i think i failed anyway. haha.

my best friend and him were like upset at the same time. and both for the same reasons. depressed over this thing called "LIFE".

i seriously can't think of anything else to make them happy now.

there's a funny feeling inside me, but my best friend doesn't seem to want me to leave TH.

but i find it rather weird too that he sort of told me off for wanting to leave TH just now too, coz he doesn't stay in hall. maybe he just doesn't want me to go SH.

i wonder why do guys get depressed so easily nowadays???

5:21 AM
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it seems like this issue is getting BIGGER and BIGGER.

i'm really tired of all these, and it doesn't help that zh actually msned me to scold me over this issue, coz i'm not the one making the decision, it's jl, wr and rb. can't he understand that it's really not me? they're all my good friends and it's like disturbing to be stuck in this sticky situation with all of them. to stay or not? not up to me! why come and scold me and jeopardize our friendships?? i'm upset. and zh said quite a number of ridiculous things.

jl, wr and rb came over to my room today to look at THE room. they really think they're buying house. but it was rather funny. and then he msned me. it's the second time in front of jl and jl asked me why he keeps msning me and told me to consider him since he's not a bad choice. but well, those boys don't know anything so i told them not to bullshit. i hope they don't go and tell wj, otherwise, i'm dead. it was like damn uncomfortable with them bugging me about it.

i've got a soci term paper due on fri but i haven't even started on it! someone kill me. i'm such a ill-disciplined brat. darn.

3:53 AM
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time gets wasted so often but i keep complaining i've got not enough time. i seriously need some discipline. i lack discipline.

projects, tests, assignments all going to be due soon, and my fair share of 21st birthdays.

sometimes i ask myself, why did i stay hall and get myself so preoccuppied with so much nonsense. especially the 2nd sem, when the mid terms come right after my IHG. i realised i'm more disciplined at home.

i need someone to discipline me.

3:40 PM
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