{Me}

boredchic
22 years on earth

*loves:

*loathes:
BOREDOM

sisi
sheer
xying
bik
cheryo
jocie
SGN

 

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each time i take the bus home, i tend to have alot of thoughts running about in my mind, but the minute i log into blogger, my mind goes blank. the thoughts i had seems to have vanished into thin air.

a colleague popped by today, and though this is the first time i've met her, the words which she says is really quite true. like me, she spent close to 5k on braces, plus another 3k on lasik, juz to look beautiful and maker herself look good. "a woman who feels that she looks good will be much more confident" and she added that she spent on her braces after she broke off with her bf of 6 yrs. it left her thinking whether she was really that bad such that the guy had to fall for another person. indeed,the set of beautiful teeth helped her to regain her much needed confidence in herself after the hard fall.

looking back at those words, i hope my set of beautiful teeth will bring back to me my confidence. frankly, i have no confidence in my looks and i HATED my teeth which was terribly crooked. and it didn't help that the bf has to comment that "this gal looks hot, this gal looks good blah blah blah". i felt terrible, if u can understand. and he never makes any comment to say that i'm beautiful, not to mention those 3 words i would love to hear once in blue moon. maybe i feel insecure, and i don't trust him, but look, would you be able to trust someone who allows his good gal frens to lean on his shoulder while watching a horror show, right in front of his own gf's eyes. not once, or twice, but quite a number of times. confidence level would definitely drop drastically. "am i so ugly and fat that he doesn't even want to touch me in front of his friends?" that would be what i'm thinking of at that point of time. it's not anger, but disappointment and the punishment of one's self esteem.

can i look good? i just want to feel good about myself. sometimes the bf just doesn't matter anymore. even though he's out at some ktv with his boss for some farewell celebration for his colleague, it's one with those kind of gals. though there's only in their room (for the boss), it still doesn't feel good, especially when you have been given the above circumstances. sometimes, when it's just hard to trust when you've been disappointed too many times.

maybe i'm getting tired. maybe i just need a break. badly.

then again, work has been fulfilling, with new things to learn, with lovable people around. maybe i'm just a workaholic, spending 12 hrs in the office almost everyday with endless stuff to do.

10:18 PM
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