{Me}

boredchic
22 years on earth

*loves:

*loathes:
BOREDOM

sisi
sheer
xying
bik
cheryo
jocie
SGN

 

November 2004[x] December 2004[x] January 2005[x] February 2005[x] March 2005[x] April 2005[x] May 2005[x] June 2005[x] July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] January 2006[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x] February 2007[x] March 2007[x] April 2007[x] May 2007[x] June 2007[x] August 2007[x] September 2007[x] January 2008[x] March 2008[x] April 2008[x] May 2008[x] June 2008[x] November 2008[x] December 2008[x] June 2009[x] July 2009[x] August 2009[x] September 2009[x] December 2009[x] February 2010[x] March 2010[x]

i wonder what administered those thoughts in my mind. I ought to be shot.

i know i am absolutely enjoying the kind of attention being showered on me, but i can't reciprocate. i shouldn't allow those kind of behavior on myself, but sadly, i can;t help it. i am missing those pieces, and perhaps this is one of the ways to seek compensation. subconsciously, i can't believe i am feeling happy. i wonder why in the world did i turn out to be such a lover of attention nowadays. the banking industry has eroded my principles. help. i feel evil. this society is simply too complex.

I can't comprehend those actions towards me, neither can i understand why. but before certain things are spoken, let's just leave at that THAT. no assumptions will be made.

11:58 PM
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do you ever regret any decisions that you have made before? sometimes, people tend to wonder what if i had not made that decision at that point in time? what would things be like now? I have to admit I am definitely one of those. i tend to think alot, the thinkables and unthinkables.

Just this afternoon, she asked me if I ever wished that I was single at this point of time. yes i do. i wonder what would it be like to be still single now. in fact, sometimes i do wish i was on my own, where i can be free and do whatever i like. but right now, singlehood seems to be far out of my reach. i meet so many new people everyday, all sorts of people, people who make me laugh, people who piss me off and people who connect with me. sometimes i find that i am missing out on alot of stuff, partly coz of laziness and partly coz of commitment. i wonder how things would have been like if we never met again. would i be happier elsewhere with someone else right now? or would i still be unable to drag myself out from the dumps? life if always full of IFs.

This morning was breakfast with product pal before heading to client's place. i realised that he is just as cynical as me. at the point of time that i told him not to be so cynical, i was reminded of myself. how ironic. perhaps i have forgotten how to trust people. perhaps.

i have been so drained, that sometimes i simply don't understand what i am fighting for. pride? belief? money? recognition? or what? when i fall, people around me pull me up. perhaps that is what keeps me moving on. i just hope that these horrendous days will go away soon. i need to destress. perhaps it is time to pick up the racket and pronounce tuesdays as "badminton day". yes, product pal, count me in for badminton, but please send me home thereafter coz my bones are bound to crack after the first few sessions.

10:56 PM
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