{Me}

boredchic
22 years on earth

*loves:

*loathes:
BOREDOM

sisi
sheer
xying
bik
cheryo
jocie
SGN

 

November 2004[x] December 2004[x] January 2005[x] February 2005[x] March 2005[x] April 2005[x] May 2005[x] June 2005[x] July 2005[x] August 2005[x] September 2005[x] October 2005[x] November 2005[x] December 2005[x] January 2006[x] February 2006[x] March 2006[x] April 2006[x] May 2006[x] June 2006[x] July 2006[x] August 2006[x] September 2006[x] October 2006[x] November 2006[x] December 2006[x] January 2007[x] February 2007[x] March 2007[x] April 2007[x] May 2007[x] June 2007[x] August 2007[x] September 2007[x] January 2008[x] March 2008[x] April 2008[x] May 2008[x] June 2008[x] November 2008[x] December 2008[x] June 2009[x] July 2009[x] August 2009[x] September 2009[x] December 2009[x] February 2010[x] March 2010[x]

the fear of losing encapsulates me. i'm completely detached from the world right now, this very moment. i feel like casting away all these nonsense far away from me, but i can't. they just come back to me each time. i need someone to enlighten me, no i don't think i should be the one to be enlightened, it's him. i just feel like i can't take it anymore.

in other words, i feel like giving up. completely.

but i just can't bring myself to do it. each time i get dragged back to the starting point. maybe not, maybe i'm just hoping he see the light one day. i'm just going round and round in circles.

i'm not a tool, neither am i a toy, i'm not one who will be manipulated, neither will i conform to anothe person's thinking, because this is me. i changed, i sacrificed, i gave in, but all these remain unseen, or rather, simply taken for granted. clubbing, drinking, late night parties, all these used to be so much a part of my life, but now? look at me, i've given up all these things which i used to love most. coz of the special person in my life, the person who used to make me smile all the time. how ironical, my eyes turn puffy each time i wake up nowadays. now when i reflect, perhaps i'm stupid, to give up all these for him, all these which used to be my life, my happiness. now i regard him as my happiness.

he said he don't expect me to change for him, yet i expect him to change for me. truth is, the sacrifices i made is sufficient to keep this relationship in check, yet he doesn't realise it. he expects me to conform to his ideas instead, which is to let him remain in his own world. but a relationship needs some compromising to make it work, both needs to give in or one party will get tired of it one day. i don't have to compromise anymore, coz i've already done what i should. a relationship is one which both parties experience each other's life, not let one party take control and expect the other person to suit your life. somehow, he can't see this point. i've tried everything, but my point doesnt get across to him. to him, i'm just throwing tantrums when i try to tell him what i feel. and silence doesn't mean a reluctance to speak, it means to refrain more hurting words from coming out. he doesn't get it.

when will u see the light one day? will it be the day i leave u? or will the day never come?

i'm hoping that he'll change one day, and that day won't be too far away.

happy 6th month anniversary. hope we'll go on as long as we can.

8:16 PM
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